Entry 7

I had a dream. I didn't even know I was asleep when it happened. My mom was lying on her back on the bed and she started to cough, so I helped her sit up a little, roll over on her side and get a drink of water. It was so real - I could feel the texture of her hair and the weight of her body. And that was it. Suddenly I was awake. It took a few seconds to realize it had been a dream...and a few more seconds to remember that she's gone. All that remained was deep, profound sadness.

Entry 6

Hmmmm....I think perhaps it's hard for me to remember to post because the people who are following me don't get an update when I post. So, nobody is asking why I haven't posted. I wonder if anybody has any idea how I can get updates to the people who are following me.

I'm working really hard to de-stress my life. I'm getting better at it....but it still takes work. There's been a lot of drama with the kids lately and that is really stressful for me. I worry so much about them.

My dad adopted a dog!!!!! She's so awesome! Her name is Fly and she's sweet and beautiful and wonderful. I think it's going to be great for my dad. She's mostly an inside dog, but she sure does like it when Sarah comes over and throws the ball for her in the back yard.

In the midst of the kid drama this week....well, today, really...I was stressed out and worried and wondering if I was doing the right thing and it occurred to me that I wished so much that my mom was here to give me advice. But she's not....and I miss her. I miss just being able to talk to her about the little things...telling her about Hannah's choir winning sweepstakes, or about Joshua scoring a run tonight, or Sarah filling out her choice sheet for middle school. Most of the time I'm okay...I tend to just keep busy and not think about it. But, sometimes it catches up with me. Today is one of those days.

Entry 5

So, here I am on a Friday night, at home all by myself. Adam is at work. Joshua is on a band trip and won't be home till Sunday. Hannah is at "Late Night" with the Bedichek theatre group. And Sarah is off riding bikes in the neighborhood with Jon...and suddenly it occurs to me that it won't be very long before the house is empty like this all the time. Hmmmmm......this makes me sad. But, I also know that I shouldn't get ahead of myself. I need to enjoy life for what it is now and not worry about what is to come.

Today was a long day. I had planned on leaving work at 1:30 and coming home to take a nap. But, comments/changes on a big proposal came in and they needed my intrepidatious research and writing skills, so I didn't leave until 4. I didn't get the nap I needed....I'm hoping that means I sleep well tonight.

My trip next week has been complicated a little bit. I'm trying to de-stress this weekend because I know what three days of traveling does to me. The good news is that I should be able to take off at least one day, maybe one and a half next week after I get back from my trip.

So, now I'm waiting for Sarah to get home from riding bikes so we can order Chinese -- I promised her we'd do this since it's just a girls' night. And here she is :o)

Entry 4

Wow - it's been a long week. Where do I start?.....

Easter did not turn out at all the way I'd hoped. We didn't make it to church. Adam slept through lunch...I didn't find any cascarones...and it wasn't really much of a family day at all. Sarah probably summed it up. She said, "Easter was Grandma's favorite holiday...it won't be the same without her."

I flew out to El Paso the very first thing Monday morning...that was a 12 hour day. Tuesday was a 12 hour day, and Wednesday was a 13 hour day. We saw some cool stuff -- incredible mountain top views and ancient petroglyphs. But, sunburn, windburn, frustration, and long hours certainly have taken their toll this week. My feet and ankles are swollen to the size of softballs, my allergies are killing me, and I'm exhausted. But, I am so glad to be home with my sweet family and in my own bed.

I had a great time tonight at Hannah's choir concert. They did such a great job. I'm so impressed with the directors and the choir program there. It almost makes me wish I could go back to middle school and be in the choir again (except I remember how miserable the rest of middle school was). Joshua's band did well at their competition and he's going on a trip with them this weekend. I'm glad he's going, but I feel a little weird about him being gone. I'll miss him and I'll worry....I guess it's just my nature.

Joshua and I had a really neat conversation tonight about prayer and how that was my mom's ministry. We talked about how amazing it is that she prayed for so many people who had no idea she was even praying for them....and yet her prayers still had an amazing effect on their lives. Then we talked about how we pray and what we pray for. It was really a neat conversation to have with my sweet 16-year-old boy.

I'd like to write more, but I'm tired. I will say this --- I'm slowly learning to take care of myself. When I feel myself getting stressed out with the busy-ness, I'm learning how to say no to things. I'm hoping I continue to get better at that.

Entry 4

Today was a good, but long, day. The girls and I went to Sherwood Forest Faire and Joshua had a baseball game. His team won - BIG - and he got to play a fair amount.

At the Renaissance Fair there was a show with birds of prey. There was a beautiful owl they brought out...Artemis. He was still young and instead of hooting, he made a funny little childish "Meeh" sound (if you've ever heard pre-teens or teenagers "meep" -- that's what it sounded like).

When they brought the owl out - I immediately thought of my mother. She collected owls for years and she would have so loved this little guy. But, there was no pain or anguish...no tears...just joy. Joy, and appreciation for God's creation and for what my mother would have loved so much. If I could have brought Artemis the owl home with me, I would have.

It was really a wonderful day -- although I'm exhausted and my feet are horribly swollen and I'm going to have to sleep with them elevated tonight. Hannah and her friend, Magaly, had a great time. Sarah made some new friends and had a wonderful time. And Joshua had a great time back home playing baseball and winning with his team.

Tomorrow is Easter. Adam gets off work at 6am. We'll go to church at 9:30 and then back here for lunch with my dad (eek! I forgot to buy cascarones for the kids!!! Hopefully I can find some on the way home from church tomorrow). And then an afternoon visit with Brian, Krizsti, and Gordy --- one of my oldest and dearest friends and his family.

I am truly blessed...I have wonderful, brilliant, talented, beautiful children who love me and will talk to me about everything in their lives...I have a fabulous husband who loves me no matter what and who I don't see nearly often enough...I have a job that I love...I have a fantastic dad who still gets extra paper towels and toilet paper at Sam's just for me...a wonderful sister-in-law who is trying to kill me with the cookies and cupcakes she's making...silly, funny dogs...amazing neighbors...and, most importantly, a Savior who gave himself for my failings. Praise God, from whom all blessings flow.